The 'messages' maybe reflect the fact that I'm a personal assistant in a team full of people who like to get in a tizz about 'urgent' things, I don't know - can you can tell that I'm the one who likes to stay calm by relativising? I mean, it's not like any of us are going to die over it or anything. Anyway, they're free to use should you wish to!
:: I'M NOT HERE ::
:: DON'T PANIC! ::
And I'm assuming you know or can work out how to change your computer's screensaver all by yourself :-)